Pain - Peter Varholak

This time I felt pain. Mr. toastmaster, fellow toastmasters and most welcomed guests. Not pain when you hurt your knee or your stomach wants to explode or you have migraine. None of these. Once my exgirlfriend called me from Slovakia to London that doctors found her brain tumor and it only happened by chance. I was terrified. Young pretty girl. We split quite some time ago before this and we are still friends and she is very important person to me. She was my first love and we had great time together.

Two days after this she called me "Doctors are going to do operation." Just two days! I realized after first call that she could die but this was like lightening strike. One surgeon mistake and it´s done. I never see her again. I called after the operation if operation went well and it was relief when I found that yes. I sent poor girl message that I would like to see her when could I come... After that her mother called me if I could come to care for her for couple of days. Yes of course. I sent a word to my job that I was not available, took a plane and visited her in hospital.

Terrible view. She was white like snow. Thin like somebody that is starving long time. She didn´t hear on right ear, didn´t see on right eye, couldn´t even blink with eye. In simple description her right half of body was completely or partly out of her control and she couldn´t even stand. When she said something I couldn´t understand most of the time. But I understood two things that she said like thousand times. That she wanted to go home and that she wanted to kill herself. I had been in shock but I realized that I had to find power for both of us. She is strong independent person but she was crushed to the ground. I consider myself to be less emotional than average people but in extreme situations like this it proved to be extremely helpful. It is one of the situations when world is challenging you to your core. You don´t know what to do, what to tell and you are almost crying because you are hopeless but you have to find hope and belief for another person. And support her with everything you have. I would say that it is like application of extreme conditions on the carbon. And it creates diamonds. These situations either make you or brake you. On the scale of emotions from 1 to 10 this was 11. It shows you how useless are all the money in the world and material things and how precious life is. I can compare it to laying at the death bed experience. At least for me.

This speach is dedicated to her. She is halfway from recovery from operation and she has to find strenght to go through another half that is maybe even more challenging. I support her how I can. I visit her when I am nearby, send supporting messages, appreciate things that she is doing that are normal for us but challenging for her, like walks to the nature, muscular training or cooking. I would also like from you to think about her for a brief second and send her supportive thoughts and wish of good health and fast recovery. Sometimes even butterfly can influence hurricane on the other side of the world.

Thank you